Ben leaned back in his chair to stretch, and casusally glanced from side to side, as if looking for a clock. "Doubtful," he shrugged nonchalantly and returned to his scotch. "This place is a sausagefest."
Harry eyed his friend reluctantly, before grabbing a handful of peanuts and cramming them in his mouth. "If my wife is hiding behind a corner or under a bar stool and I'm caught, you're a dead man."
Good premise. If I can make but one suggestion... Lose the adverbs and adjectives. Then look for other ways to reattach the emotions you seek to convey. It's hard... something I struggle with myself, but a worthwhile exercise. Try it and see.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't until you said something that I noticed the ridiculous amount of adverbs I had used. Thank you! It definitely is a challenge; I tried to deploy that technique immediately for my next set... difficult.
ReplyDelete